When did it become ok for women to put everyone else’s needs before her own?
This way of thinking has caused you to feel unhappy with your life and you’re not getting anything done.
We as women wear many hats as wives, mothers, daughters, etc. and it seems everyone needs us more than the next.
We’ve been trained that in order to avoid conflict and not hurt anyone’s feelings that we must neglect our own needs and put ourselves on the back burner.
This is not emotionally or mentally healthy.
Year after year has gone by and you’re nowhere close to reaching your goals or pursuing the things you want in life. (if you even know what you want but that’s another post for another day)
One of the many reasons that you don’t know who you are and what you want for yourself is because you’ve become a people pleaser.
You complain over and over again, but yet you’re not making any changes.
You’ve convinced yourself that you’ll start pursuing your goals someday, but truth be told someday has never come.
Please learn from my mistakes and start putting yourself first sooner than later.
I struggled for years with being a people pleaser because I wanted to be liked by others. I got to a point where I felt like I was being pulled in every direction and as a result, I was stuck in my own life while everyone else seemed to be moving forward.
I realized if I didn’t make changes quick, I would never be free to live the life I wanted to live.
Today, I’m sharing five things I want you to start doing immediately in order to make your needs a priority without feeling guilty.
START SAYING NO
Every time someone asks you to do something, you’re not obligated to say yes. You have a right to say no if it’s not something that you really want to do. And you don’t owe anyone an explanation, no can be a complete sentence.
One reason we struggle with telling others no is because we don’t want to disappoint anyone and we like to keep the peace.
The way I see it, if I continue to say yes every time someone asks me to do something then I’m saying no to the goals I want to accomplish. And that’s not fair to me.
They're only 24-hours in a day and in order to avoid feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, I had to be ok with making my needs a priority.
Saying yes to everyone but yourself is keeping you stuck. Plus the people that you’re constantly helping out are not going to do the same for you.
In the beginning you may find it challenging saying no to others, however it will get better with time.
There is an easier way to say no so it doesn't feel like you're being mean. You can say “give me time to think about it” or “not right now.” This approach is less harsh and it gives you time to process the request and decide if it’s something you really want to do.
If people genuinely care about you they will respect your response. Never say yes to someone if you don’t really mean it otherwise you'll end up regretting it later.
People will only do to you what you allow. There was a time when I didn't speak up for myself and I allowed others to control me.
It took some time but I eventually discovered my voice and put boundaries in place so that people wouldn’t feel like they could walk all over me.
We as women have a tendency of spreading ourselves way too thin and then we end up blaming others versus taking responsibility for our actions.
“A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.” If you don’t set proper boundaries then you cannot be mad when people cross a line that was never put in place in the beginning.
You have to teach people how to treat you. Don’t allow people to walk all over you.
How to set boundaries
1. Be honest with yourself and acknowledge how you feel.
2. Pay attention to what’s causing you to feel like boundaries have been crossed. What emotions are you experiencing?
3. Take time to journal your thoughts and decide if your feelings are valid.
4. Think about what you need to put in place so that you don’t feel like this in the future.
5. In a respectful manner express how you feel with the person who you feel crossed the line. Don't assume they know you're hurting, be a grown woman and have an open and honest conversation.
Also don't have any expectations or demand an apology, simply let the person know how you feel so you can move on.
6. Practice self-care and spend time doing things that make you feel complete and whole.
I will be honest with you setting boundaries is uncomfortable because the person on the other end may get defensive and you end up feeling bad for bringing the situation up to begin with.
Take it day by day and know that you have to do what’s best for you.
Setting boundaries is simply you speaking up for yourself and honoring your feelings first.
CREATE ME TIME
Self-care is essential for your growth. It’s not optional, it’s a requirement for being free. Self-care is more than getting your hair done, retail therapy and your bi-weekly mani/pedis.
Self-care is about taking care of your mental, emotional and physical health.
Practicing self-care isn’t selfish, you deserve to be on your calendar just like everyone else.
Each day I want you to commit to spending time with you and doing things that make you feel fulfilled. I created a mini self-care guide to give you tips on how to get started.
DUMP THE HEAD TRASH
We have 50,000 thoughts per day. That’s a lot right! Now just think about all the negative thoughts that race through your mind on any given day.
Every negative thought that you believe about yourself I want you to get rid of it right now because none of it is true. When you feed your brain negativity then you can’t produce anything positive.
You are good enough. You are capable of doing great things. You’re not too old. You’re not too young. You don’t have to be defined by your past. You’re not a failure.
You become what you believe and it’s up to you to begin to shift your thinking.
Every time you notice yourself having a negative thought switch it to something positive. Start reciting positive affirmations and start affirming the woman you want to become.
When you become more aware of your thoughts, you will realize that it takes work to change your thought process, but trust me it can be done.
MAKE A HAPPY LIST
Do you know what makes you happy? What brings you joy each day? When I ask my clients these questions more often than not they struggle to come up with a response because they haven’t thought about it in a long time, if ever.
Create a list of 50 things that make you happy and be intentional every day to do something off of your list. It doesn’t have to be anything big just whatever brings you joy add it to your list and do it.
Here’s an example of things that make me happy (not in any particular order)
In order to say yes to you, you first need to know what you’re saying yes to, right?
Say yes to your dreams.
Say yes to your goals.
Say yes to putting you first.
Say yes to doing things that make you happy.
Say yes to change.
Say yes to loving yourself.
Say yes to living the life you were created to live.
Say yes to being free.
In what ways do you need to say yes to yourself?